


Dear H.

by lirin



Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene, Poirot - Agatha Christie
Genre: Advice Column, Crossover, Gen, Spoilers for "And Then There Were None"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 07:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11985051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lirin/pseuds/lirin
Summary: Propriety does not allow us to reveal the identity of the author of our advice column. Suffice it to say that H. is a world-famous detective.





	Dear H.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertVixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertVixen/gifts).



DEAR H.: I’m no professional detective, but I stumble across mysteries frequently enough to have gained a bit of a reputation as an amateur sleuth. For me, crime solving is normally just a case of doing my best to follow one clue to the next and trying not to get caught by the bad guys along the way, but this time I have the unusual problem of too many clues. There are three different suspects—not counting my friend’s aunt A., who I’m sure isn’t responsible—and I’ve found evidence against all of them. I’d call the police and have them sort it out, but if I do then the A.’s landlord, whose brother is on the police force, will probably hear about it and might try to evict her. So I thought I’d try asking for advice first.

The crime is that someone has been trespassing on A.’s property when she’s out, and money and valuables have been going missing. The three suspects are the A.’s landlord, A.’s next-door neighbor, and, unfortunately, A.’s brother, who is my friend’s father. A. says she has happened across each of them on her property without a good reason to be there. Also, there is evidence that all of the suspects are flush with cash recently: the landlord has caught up on house repairs that he had been procrastinating for years, the neighbor has a flashy new car, and my friend’s father has suddenly changed his mind and agreed to pay for her college education, which is out of character for him.

A. invited me and her niece to visit this past week. I inspected the back gate. It is rough metal and will not hold fingerprints. Although it is kept locked, the padlock is lightweight and could easily be opened with a bump key or shim. A. locks her back door, but she has given a spare key to both her brother and the neighbor, and of course her landlord has a key. I dusted it for prints, but it is used too frequently; the only viable print was from A. herself. All of the items that have disappeared were either in the kitchen or in a hutch in A.’s dining room. I don’t know if this is because that’s all the intruder has access to or because they know that’s where she keeps most of her more valuable belongings.

I’m just worried for my friend’s poor aunt, living all alone in a house that is being continually broken into. This case is important enough that I’ll take all the advice I can get. -- SLEUTHING IN RIVER HEIGHTS

DEAR SLEUTHING: It is difficult to advise you in depth without having met the suspects. Of course, in writing an advice column it is impossible for me to meet them personally, but here you have not even met them yourself! It is the psychology of the person, not a couple of disjunct actions with many explanations, that will inform you who has done the crime. I advise that you observe the suspects. Find a reason to interact with each of them. Personally I just inform everyone that I am investigating the crime and arrange formal interviews, but you can claim you’re selling Girl Scout cookies if that makes you feel better.

Also, since you obviously want to look at evidence, take a look at other potential points of entry to the house. It is curious that nothing has gone missing except from the kitchen and dining room. Is there a window nearby?

* * *

DEAR H.: A “friend” of mine was hired by a woman accused of murdering her husband. The murder weapon—a double-bladed pocket knife—has her fingerprints on it, and she was known to carry it in her purse. Time of death is estimated to be 10:20 pm (known within 15 minutes due to witnesses and timing of meals) and witnesses put my friend’s client at her husband’s house, in the study where he was murdered, from 10:15 to 10:20 pm. The main witness (the husband’s secretary) was seated in the living room outside the study from 9:00 until 11:00, and the housemaid was also in the living room from 10:00 until the body was discovered. Both say there were no other visitors to the house. The study has no other entrances.

Is there any possibility that my friend’s client is innocent? She says her husband was alive and well when she left, and my friend believes her. Normally I trust his judgment, but this case seems impossible. -- WORRIED IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR WORRIED: That is quite a list of evidence against the wife. It would take a slew of coincidences for her to be innocent. Nonetheless, if you believe her to be innocent—or, as it seems, you trust your friend and _he_ believes her to be innocent—you might find that the easiest way to prove her innocent is to prove another guilty. Have you interviewed the secretary and the housemaid?

* * *

DEAR H.: Well, I interviewed all of our suspects (I didn't think they'd believe me if I said I was selling Girl Scout cookies, so I bought a bunch of raffle tickets for the firemen's ball and sold those) and two of the interviews went fine, but the next-door neighbor was terribly jumpy and when I turned to leave his house he hit me over the head. So I spent a miserable afternoon tied up in his barn, but I eventually cut my bonds on a rusty nail and called the police. He's in jail now, and A.'s valuables have been recovered!

While I'm in touch anyway, I thought I should ask...do you have any tips on getting loose when you’ve been tied up by bad guys? I know the trick about holding your hands the right way to make the rope as loose as possible, but that doesn’t work very well when you’re unconscious when you’re tied up. I’m worried that next time I won’t even have a rusty nail, and what will I do then? -- SURVIVED TO SLEUTH AGAIN ANOTHER DAY IN RIVER HEIGHTS

DEAR SURVIVED: I am a detective, not an adventurer. I cannot advise on this matter, because I do not get tied up.

* * *

DEAR H.: I hope this letter will reach you in time, though it seems a faint hope, as my only means of contacting anyone outside this island is to cast a bottle into the sea. Regardless, if this reaches you, I would appreciate your advice.

I find myself on an island where five people have died, and only five people remain, one of whom must be the killer. The deaths correspond to the stanzas of a nursery rhyme; the next stanzas are “One got in Chancery and then there were four” and “A red herring swallowed one and then there were three”.

The remaining individuals, besides myself (and I can assure you, I am innocent) are Justice Lawrence Wargrave, a judge of longstanding reputation; William Blore, who claims to be a retired police investigator; Philip Lombard, an adventurer-mercenary; and Vera Claythorne, a secretary. I’m inclined to suspect Mr. Lombard, myself. 

The judge and I came up with a scheme to fake his death so we can get the drop on our murderer. I'm currently waiting on the cliffs for him to meet me and we can discuss our next move, but in the meantime I thought I'd pen these few words to ask for your input. (Also, if you get this, please send help!) -- ONE OF FIVE LITTLE INDIANS ON INDIAN ISLAND

DEAR ONE OF FIVE: You neglected to specify whether the judge's faked death corresponded to "One got in Chancery" or the preceding verse. If the former, then obviously you should be looking out for red herrings. If the latter, then the judge's death is likely to be next. In either case, you should be watchful.

Unfortunately, you were not. I made inquiries about whether help needed to be sent to Indian Island, and heard that not only had you already been murdered several years ago, but a bottle containing the killer's confession had already been found. You obviously chose unlucky ocean currents.

* * *

DEAR H.: This is an update to “Worried in Los Angeles” from last week. We convinced the D.A. to inquire further into cause of death, and it turned out the murdered man was actually poisoned at dinner and died at 10:20pm of the poison; the stabbing occurred long after death (or so claims the secretary, who has admitted to stealing our client’s pocket knife in an attempt to frame her).

It’s always nice when a string of coincidences works out in our favor! -- CELEBRATING WITH A STEAK DINNER IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CELEBRATING: My felicitations. Myself, I am eating lamb.

* * *

DEAR H.: Come on, you need to live! How boring is your life that you’ve never worried your opponents enough that they thought you needed to be tied up and gotten out of the way? What do you do, just sit at home and solve crimes that other people bring to you? Honestly!

If you’re ever in River Heights, look me up. We’ll go boating on the Muskoka or something, and I bet we’ll happen across a crime! I almost always do. -- KEEPING MY EYES PEELED FOR ANOTHER CASE IN RIVER HEIGHTS

DEAR KEEPING: Thank you kindly for the invitation, but my stomach will not allow me to accept. I am prone to the _mal de mer_ , you see.


End file.
